dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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