Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
