If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
