Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
