he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
