ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
