cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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