We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
