Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
that is very illegal...i love you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize