it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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