Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
