I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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