Yo dont text me then not text me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
