One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
