when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
