nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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