Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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