I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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