Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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