She's JV to your varsity
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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