Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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