I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
