She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
