seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
