Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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