Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
