Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I want is dick and wine.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
