my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
