I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can you bring me the toilet please
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
