I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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