She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
