You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
