She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
