You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
