I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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