So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
