Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
