There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
