Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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