I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize