You're a womanizer and a bitch.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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