just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
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For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
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I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...