you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Terrible idea I love it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...