Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom