The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"