I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
