she looked like the before picture.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
