turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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