I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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