she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
