I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
