he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
