dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
