i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
