It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
