I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
