Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
