I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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