One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
