he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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