Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
