We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
