Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
