Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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