Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
