So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
