is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
