I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
