i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
