I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
