i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
