I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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