I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
