Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
