it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
