My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
