can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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